So if you’ve read my posts before, you’ll know that Nice Guys *do* have parts of them that aren’t “nice”. (And by the way, that’s the judgement they’ve made about those parts – not that you’d judge those parts as dark, bad, unacceptable, etc.)
These parts most often revolve around sexual desire & anger – two things most Nice Guys think aren’t very acceptable. These are essential energies in any human being, though, and strong ones at that. Like a river rushing at a small dam, they will find a way around and through.
For some Nice Guys, this means “splitting off”. That is, outside the view of the women in their lives, in secret they will find expression for these parts.
This might mean watching porn in secret, or being very argumentative in their men’s sports leagues. A lesser version of “Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde” might be a good analogy.
The problem with this strategy often comes from a low energy-state in their primary relationship, caused by the lack of sexual and/or angry energy. Without these drives, relationships can get tired, stale, boring, sexless and dull. And if the Nice Guys partner gets a glimpse of the part that she thought didn’t even EXIST anymore in the Nice Guy, the contrast will be…well, confusing is one possibility. Upsetting is another.
We’ll get a little more into Shadow (which is related to this) in a later post.
Best, Peter Hannah
Seattle Nice Guy Counselor
